One of those brain damaged train wreck victims...

**Text in purple = what's going through Ran's head**

It's 3:26... only 4 more minutes until I'm free for the day. A call comes through.

"Yeah... I've a list of problems with your company."

Here we go. Alright lady, spill it.

"First of all, I was told a rebate form would be included in my order. I didn't get one. I was promised I'd get one, and there isn't one to be found."

Not usually a big problem.

"Okay, no worries, we'll go ahead and re-send one out to you."

"You aren't re-sending anything. I didn't get one with my order in the first place, so you aren't re-sending the form, you're sending it for the first time."

Uhhh.... okay? Let's not mince words here lady. It doesn't matter if you got one or not, I'll send you a new one and everything will be peachy. Promised.

"And the next thing, you guys didn't mark which lenses go in the right eye and which ones go in the left eye. There's no way I could tell. You guys used to mark them."

If she had looked at the invoice that came with the order, she would have been able to figure this one out.

"Okay, no problem, blah blah lens goes in the right eye and yada yada lens goes in the left eye."

"Well, why weren't they marked? You guys make this very difficult. And another thing, my invoice and receipt were shredded and torn when I got them. Whoever packed my order was sloppy. It didn't used to be like this. What happened?"

Well, lady, since I was there, at the distribution center babysitting the nice folks who packed your order, I could tell you that they knew you were a finicky customer that will find whatever she can to bitch about, and then bitch about it 'till the cows come home. They have it out for you. And only you. They knew it was your order they were packing and shredded the invoice and receipt just to get under your skin. It's personal. Very personal. They are basically plotting against you, hoping to make your day that much less enjoyable. They get a kick out of it. That's why your invoice and receipt were shredded.

"I'd be happy to mail a new one to you with the rebate form that we're re-mailing."

"You are mailing the rebate form for the first time!!! You aren't re-mailing ANYTHING!!!"

**sigh**

"Oh, and the expiration dates on the boxes I got are different. The lenses for the left eye expire in 2012 and the lenses for the right eye say 2010. Why didn't you guys send me lenses with the same expiration date? Shouldn't they be the same? I mean, it's already almost 2009.

January is 4 months away...

I think the right eye lenses should be dated 2012 too."

Where's my Sharpie? I can totally fix that for you. Dumb broad.

"I'm not sure why they aren't the same, but we do guarantee the lenses so if the expiration date is up before you've worn them all, just let us know and we'll exchange them for you."

"No, I want to exchange them now. Can't you do that? This way I don't have to waste my time calling back and going over this whole story again. I'd feel better if we took care of this now."

Cheese and rice lady, are you stockpiling these puppies for the apocalypse? There's no way you won't use them all before 2010.

"I can check the warehouse and see what we've got. If there's any with a later expiration date we'll exchange them for you."

"Yeah, do that. They should both be 2012. They shouldn't differ. Why would you guys do that?"

Of course I knew the warehouse wouldn't have any with a later expiration date. We get them right from the manufacturer. We don't pick and choose which expiration dates we want. We get what we get from the manufacturer.

The lady then repeats pretty much every problem she just went over with me, saying she's not sure she's going to use the company again, and that we need to take pride in our work. I try to end the conversation 3 times and ended up cutting her off so she'd shut the hell up. I hope she realizes I laughed about her the entire drive home, and that she's now all over my blog.

SUCKA.

More info on contacts than you ever wanted

Most days, I am totally okay with my job. I show up, work, kick some ass, and leave feeling satisfied for kicking so much ass. Yesterday though, yesterday was probably the suckiest day ever, which is the inspiration to this blog.

I am losing hope in humanity. While I may only work in a call center, I speak with about 40-50 people a day, all from different areas, even from Canada and England. When I worked in customer service at K-mart, sure there were idiots I had to deal with from time to time. This job, however, deals with an entirely lower caliper of people. Here is why:

I dread Saturday's at work. I swear people are just sitting at home, watching TV, see our commercial, and out of boredom call my work to "see how this works." So I explain, "We need your contact lens Rx along with your eye care provider's phone number to place an order for contacts." After I say that, the conversation always goes one way or the other:

1. "I have my glasses Rx. That will work right?" Not exactly. You have to be fitted for lenses. Yes, eyeballs come in different sizes and shapes. Yes, contact lenses also come in different sizes and shapes to fit those differently sized and shaped eyeballs. And, the power of vision correction is almost always different for lenses than your glasses. Why? Because glasses are on your face, contacts are in your eye. Not that difficult of a concept.
2. "Well, I don't need an Rx because I just want contacts to change my eye color. I can see just fine." How does a corneal abrasion sound? You still need to be fitted for lenses. As is stated above, contacts come in different sizes and shapes.

It's like going to a pharmacy and demanding Loritabs. You wouldn't go in there without a prescription and honestly expect them to give you the drugs.

Another favorite question of mine when people call: "How much are your lenses?" Which brand are you looking for? "I just want the cheapest ones." Uhh... there are about 300 different kinds of contacts. The price varies from $22 to $120 depending on the kind of lens. Spherical, toric, bifocal, gas perm, the list goes on. Do you know what brand your Rx is written for? "Proclear, but I want to get Acuvue." Sorry, you can't just change the brand whenever you feel like it. As stated twice before, lenses come in different sizes, and they change by brand. One size in Proclear will not be available in the Acuvue. You need doctor approval to change brands, and almost always they'll make you go in for another exam. It's kind of like having a prescription for 800mg Ibuprofen and asking the pharmacist to change it to Perkicet.

Expired prescriptions is another favorite discussion of mine. Yes, an Rx for contacts will expire after one year or two, depending on the state you're in. "My Rx has been the same for 15 years though!" It's a federal law that we can't sell lenses on an expired Rx, even if it expired only a month ago, even if it hasn't changed for 15 years. "But I thought it didn't matter with your company. You guys are making this way harder than it should be." Like I said, FEDERAL LAW. I can't make an exception for your stupid ass. Go get a new exam. I always like when they say, "Fine, I'll just buy my lenses somewhere else." Good luck, they're going to tell you the same thing.

Here is another reason I hate working on Saturdays: call after call of "Where is my order? I placed it yesterday and paid $19.99 for next day delivery." Well, in case you never noticed, FedEx and UPS do not deliver on Saturdays. I can't remember a time when they ever did. So then the person says, "Well, I talked to someone there who promised me I'd get them today." So I look at the account, and see the order was placed ONLINE meaning they didn't talk to anyone from our company. No one here promised you shit, lying lady. You weren't smart enough to figure out no Saturday deliveries. Then they go far enough to ask for the $19.99 back that they paid for shipping. Of course I always refund them, no matter how hard it is for me to do so. I feel it's teaching people that it's okay to be stupid. Let them pay $19.99 for shipping and get their package late. I promise they'll think twice before doing it next time.

To pull up some one's account, we ask them to verify their address. More often than not, people will say, "Well, you guys probably have the old address, but the new address is..." That's great, I'm glad you live on Shady Glen Avenue. You just said we probably have the OLD address on file, why didn't you recite the OLD address?

I love when I'm placing an order for someone and they have the gall to ask, "Can't you just give me some kind of extra discount?" No. Why would I do that? And where did you get balls/stupidity to ask that kind of question? It puts me in an awkward position, because I have to tell you no. If there are special discounts, I'll let you know upfront. After I tell you no, don't pout about it. You're already getting your lenses cheaper than pretty much anywhere else. Stop being greedy and stop asking for handouts. If you really needed to save money because you're poor, you wouldn't expect the luxury of contacts. You'd be happy with glasses.

You see why I'm beginning to doubt humanity? The vast majority of people I talk to are unintelligent, lazy, and greedy. People don't listen. They think I am here to do them favors. They call yelling because we sent them the wrong Rx, when really they placed the order online and put in the wrong Rx themselves. No one knows how to take responsibility for their mistakes. If you would simply be honest and upfront and admit you made a mistake, I'd be far more willing to go above and beyond to help you fix it. Stop throwing so much negative energy out there. It's exhausting me.