One of those brain damaged train wreck victims...

**Text in purple = what's going through Ran's head**

It's 3:26... only 4 more minutes until I'm free for the day. A call comes through.

"Yeah... I've a list of problems with your company."

Here we go. Alright lady, spill it.

"First of all, I was told a rebate form would be included in my order. I didn't get one. I was promised I'd get one, and there isn't one to be found."

Not usually a big problem.

"Okay, no worries, we'll go ahead and re-send one out to you."

"You aren't re-sending anything. I didn't get one with my order in the first place, so you aren't re-sending the form, you're sending it for the first time."

Uhhh.... okay? Let's not mince words here lady. It doesn't matter if you got one or not, I'll send you a new one and everything will be peachy. Promised.

"And the next thing, you guys didn't mark which lenses go in the right eye and which ones go in the left eye. There's no way I could tell. You guys used to mark them."

If she had looked at the invoice that came with the order, she would have been able to figure this one out.

"Okay, no problem, blah blah lens goes in the right eye and yada yada lens goes in the left eye."

"Well, why weren't they marked? You guys make this very difficult. And another thing, my invoice and receipt were shredded and torn when I got them. Whoever packed my order was sloppy. It didn't used to be like this. What happened?"

Well, lady, since I was there, at the distribution center babysitting the nice folks who packed your order, I could tell you that they knew you were a finicky customer that will find whatever she can to bitch about, and then bitch about it 'till the cows come home. They have it out for you. And only you. They knew it was your order they were packing and shredded the invoice and receipt just to get under your skin. It's personal. Very personal. They are basically plotting against you, hoping to make your day that much less enjoyable. They get a kick out of it. That's why your invoice and receipt were shredded.

"I'd be happy to mail a new one to you with the rebate form that we're re-mailing."

"You are mailing the rebate form for the first time!!! You aren't re-mailing ANYTHING!!!"

**sigh**

"Oh, and the expiration dates on the boxes I got are different. The lenses for the left eye expire in 2012 and the lenses for the right eye say 2010. Why didn't you guys send me lenses with the same expiration date? Shouldn't they be the same? I mean, it's already almost 2009.

January is 4 months away...

I think the right eye lenses should be dated 2012 too."

Where's my Sharpie? I can totally fix that for you. Dumb broad.

"I'm not sure why they aren't the same, but we do guarantee the lenses so if the expiration date is up before you've worn them all, just let us know and we'll exchange them for you."

"No, I want to exchange them now. Can't you do that? This way I don't have to waste my time calling back and going over this whole story again. I'd feel better if we took care of this now."

Cheese and rice lady, are you stockpiling these puppies for the apocalypse? There's no way you won't use them all before 2010.

"I can check the warehouse and see what we've got. If there's any with a later expiration date we'll exchange them for you."

"Yeah, do that. They should both be 2012. They shouldn't differ. Why would you guys do that?"

Of course I knew the warehouse wouldn't have any with a later expiration date. We get them right from the manufacturer. We don't pick and choose which expiration dates we want. We get what we get from the manufacturer.

The lady then repeats pretty much every problem she just went over with me, saying she's not sure she's going to use the company again, and that we need to take pride in our work. I try to end the conversation 3 times and ended up cutting her off so she'd shut the hell up. I hope she realizes I laughed about her the entire drive home, and that she's now all over my blog.

SUCKA.